Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
