I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
