what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
