watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
