He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Houston, we have a blender
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
