I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
