I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
