did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
