based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
