Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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