I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
