I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
