i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
