yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just high enough for therapy.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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