So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
