haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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