She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
