M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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