it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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