He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
