omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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