You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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