operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
