I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
