A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
