So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
