Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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