drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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