its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
