im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Less talking, more tequila
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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