So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
