Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
