You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I think people are normalizing furries
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
