i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
