I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
