How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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