moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
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