singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
