we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
