I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
