From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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