I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
no more duck duck goose at the bar
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
