So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
