I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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