I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
you had me at cake vodka
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
