you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
