I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
