She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
