I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
