he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
