So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
