Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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