he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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